Read your way to happily ever after

The best way to learn about relationships is of course by experience. However, there is a lot you can gain from the input of other people. All relationships are different, but some of the experiences and challenges couples face are pretty similar.

One way to get this input is through books. I’m not talking about those lovey-dovey novels with cowboys, ranches and single damsels in distress. I mean a good relationship advice book. These are usually by relationship experts but can also be by people who simply want to share what they went through. Whatever the case, they are great tools for building successful relationships.

Here are the nine best relationship advice books:

Attached; The New Science of Adult Attachment and How it can Help You Find and Keep Love

Author – Amir Levine and Rachel Heller

Niche – Singles looking to understand love.

This book is one of the best relationship books for guys as it takes a bold and forward approach to understanding how attraction and attachment works. The writers may have taken a more facts than experience-based approach, but it is still very interesting to read. It is particularly useful not just for men but for any single person looking for some help in understanding this whole love thing.

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You are a Badass; How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life

Author – Jane Sincero

Niche – the art of self-love

For any relationship to work there needs to be a healthy dose of self-esteem in both parties involved. This book is a great way to get yourself here. Sincero takes a very lighthearted and engaging approach to delivering the gospel of self-love. She will have you crowning yourself queen of the world by the time you are done.

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Dumped; A Guide to Getting Over a Breakup and Your Ex in Record Time!

Author – MaryJane Fahey

Niche – getting through a breakup

Breakups are not fun for anyone whether you left or got dumped. However, I think we can all agree that the feeling of rejection associated with being the latter makes the pill a little harder to swallow. That is where Fahey comes in with her girl’s guide to getting over being dumped. It is witty and engaging while also emotional and encouraging; generally a great book.

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Whole Again: Healing Your Heart and Rediscovering Your True Self After Toxic Relationships and Emotional abuse

Author – Jackson Mackenzie

Niche – Letting go of emotional baggage

Breakups are not the only things that hurt in a relationship. You could be in a toxic relationship, an emotionally abusive one or maybe you have emotional scars from some other event. Whatever the case, these all result in baggage that will weigh your relationship down. Whole again was one of the best relationship books in 2018 and will take you through how to get over this pain for a healthier relationship.

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When Sorry Isn’t Enough

Author – Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas

Niche – fixing relationship mistakes

We all make mistakes in relationships. Maybe you forgot about her birthday. Or you lost that sentimental gift he got you. However, there are some mistakes where simply apologizing isn’t enough. If you made one of this and would still like to salvage your relationship, then this is one book that will help.

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The Wisdom of Sundays

Author – Oprah Winfrey

Niche – peace of mind before and during the relationship

The Wisdom of Sundays is one of the best relationship books for singles who want to be the best versions of themselves before entering relationships. It is about so much more than having healthy self-esteem. The book contains a collection of experiences in romantic and non-romantic relationships that will give you an amazing perspective on life.

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Love, Sex and Staying Warm; Keeping the Flame Alive

Author – Neil Rosenthal

Niche – strengthening a long term relationship

This one is the best relationship books for couples who’s honeymoon years are seemingly long gone. This runt is inevitable and if not addressed will leave your relationship dreadfully boring. The book gives couples tips on how to reignite the spark and keep it burning.

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The 5 Love Languages

Author – Gary Chapman

Niche – figuring out your relationship wants and needs

This one has been one of the best-selling relationship advice books of all time, and with the author’s revolutionary principles it is not so hard to see why. It is a must read whether you are single or in a relationship. It allows you to understand how you and your partner individually accept and give love. That way you will be able to accommodate their needs.

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From Stranger to Lover: 16 Strategies for Building a Strong Long Distance Relationship

Author – Lisa McKay

Niche – LDRs and international dating

For people in long distance relationships, the relationship challenges are pretty unique. This book addresses them in a great way ensuring that you get the advice you need to make it work across borders. The list arrangement also makes it easier to understand and implement all that you will learn.

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Final verdict

Each one of these books has a lot to offer you whatever your current relationship status or dynamics may be. You need to have an open mind about receiving input from strangers.

With the nine books briefly reviewed above, you can rest assured that there is real value. There is a lot of wisdom packed into every single page without compromising on entertainment value to keep things interesting. So pick one up depending on your current state and make life a little easier for yourself.

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Learning from other relationships

Whether you are starting something new or you have been committed for years, the value of other people’s relationship advice questions and their answers is always helpful. Remember that despite the differences in participants, all relationships are more or less similar. Some other couple has faced the challenges you now face. Your relationship highs have been another pair’s good times too. That means that there is a lot to learn.

With this in mind, here are 9 of the most common relationship advice questions and answers.

Question #1: When is the right time to introduce your partner to your friends and family?

Meeting friends and family is a pretty huge milestone in any relationship. It shows that you trust your partner and the stability of your relationship to let other people in. One of the best ways to know you are ready is when you can see a future with your partner. The last thing you want is to waste your beau’s time or to get your friends and family emotionally invested in something you’re not confident in.

Question #2: What is a strong and healthy relationship in the first place?

You probably see a healthy relationship as one where you are totally in synch, never fight and generally have everything going well. That is more like a fictional Hollywood-created relationship than a real-life one.

In reality, a healthy relationship is one where despite all your differences you are willing to work as a team. There is great communication, personal growth and most importantly, healthy fights.

Question #3: Is there a place for gender-based roles in today’s relationships?

Here, it depends on your relationship dynamics. If you are a couple that believes in traditional roles then, by all means, divvy them up that way. If you have a more modern outlook, then you can split roles based on ability and availability. The important thing is to ensure that you are both on board and not feeling in any way oppressed.

Question #4: Is it ok for your partner to have besties from the opposite gender?

Having a partner with close friends of the opposite gender is always a point of contention in relationships. It stems mainly from insecurities and the fear that your partner might be tempted to cheat. It doesn’t matter whether it is physical or emotional.

The answer to this question is multi-part. First of all, it is ok only if your partner is doing a good job of reassuring you. There also needs to be boundaries set between these friends. It is also a good idea to get to know your partner’s friends as a way to get some peace of mind.

Question #5: How do you know when you and your partner are ready for that next step in the relationship?

It could be moving in together, getting engaged, buying property together or even having children. All these major milestones above all else require that you are both on the same page and ready. If there is even a sliver of doubt in you or your partner, then do not force it. You are not ready. It is also important that you both trust each other and have proven to be able to handle responsibilities that come with these relationship upgrades.

Question #6: How do you tell when a relationship is toxic?

The best way to tell is through your gut instinct. Plain and simple. If you do not trust it, then you could always listen to input from friends and family who have observed the relationship dynamic. Finally, red flags including cheating, any form of abuse and poor communication are pretty much neon signs pointing to Toxicity City. Pun very much intended.

Question #7: How much time is too much time together?

Being in a healthy relationship does not mean spending every waking moment of every single day together. If your time with your partner is hindering you from other responsibilities like school or work, then it is too much. If it is stopping you from pursuing hobbies and other interests, then it is too much. And if it is keeping you from family and loved ones, then you need to dial it down.

Question #8: How often do couples with healthy sex lives get intimate?

When it comes to sex, it is more about the quality than the quantity. That means that your bond matters more than how much time you do it. The goal is to make it as intimate as possible and not like a routine chore you need to check off your weekly to-do list. Yep, that was another intentional pun.

Question #9: How soon after starting a relationship is it ok to get intimate?

Now that we are talking about sex let’s tackle another very common related question. How soon is soon enough? The truth here is there is no solid timeline of the ideal time to get intimate after starting a relationship. For some people, it is as soon as they meet while others would prefer to wait until they are married.

What matters most is that you at least get to know and trust the person you are with. That way it is not just a physical experience but also emotional.

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A bad case of the love jitters

When it comes to relationship problems, anxiety ranks very high on the list. For the most part, it is pretty harmless and will pass on its own. However, it sometimes becomes such a serious issue; it stops healthy progress for your relationship.

In this article, we will take you through all you need to know about relationship anxiety and how to deal with it. That includes its common causes and how to figure out whether or not you are a victim of the love jitters. That way if it is what has been cramping your relationship style you will know exactly how to deal with it.

What causes relationship anxiety?

Mistrust

It could be all in your head or founded on hurtful history. Whatever it is, thinking that your partner could repeat the mistake is enough to get anyone freaked out of their mind.

Abuse of any kind

Anxiety is also related to a history of physical and/or emotional abuse. In these cases, the fear is nowhere near being irrational as there is proof that things could go wrong.

Fear of losing the person

If you tend to get attached to people, then there is a risk of you suffering from relationship anxiety. More often than not, you end up panicking even when your partner gives you enough reason not to.

Personal insecurities

It could be that you have low self-esteem and you are constantly worried that your partner will leave you for it. Or maybe you feel inadequate and undeserving of your significant other’s love. Whatever it is, insecurity is a major culprit in this form of anxiety.

Inexperience

Anxiety and fear in a relationship are focused predominantly on the unknown. Inexperience plays a major role here. If you haven’t been in a serious relationship, you might not exactly know how to deal with the issues that trigger this response. You are also more likely to end up sweating the small stuff that other people might see as trivial.

Do you have this problem?

From the detailed list above, one thing is clear: relationship anxiety can happen to anyone. If you thought you are immune, run this short diagnostic test on yourself to be sure. If you have one or even more of these signs then you, my friend, are a victim of relationship anxiety.

• You find yourself obsessing over their every move.
• You keep picking fights for no reason out of frustration.
• You compromise a little too much because you’re scared of losing the person.
• You are an expert in overthinking and jumping into conclusions.
• You sabotage the relationship either consciously or subconsciously.
• You have irrational fears about your relationship.

How to deal with it

If from our little self-test you think you are facing this anxiety, then here are eight steps that should come in handy:

Talk about it with your partner

That allows them to play their role of reassuring you so that you do not have to be stuck in your head overanalyzing alone.

Get a new hobby, job or distraction

An idle mind is anxiety’s playground. Keeping yourself preoccupied means that you do not have time to focus all your mental energy chasing theories that may have no merit.

Address your insecurities

Insecurities are a part of everyday life. They are what make us human. However, when it gets to a point where they lead to unhealthy relationship habits and attitudes you need to deal with them. You can point them out to your partner, a friend or even a professional mental healthcare worker.

Get a second opinion

Sometimes, your anxiety is founded on rational fears. In this case, one of the best ways to confirm that you have a right to freak out is by seeking a second opinion. Share your worries with a close friend or relative and get their perspective. That way you can tell whether you are overthinking or right on the mark.

Turn your Nancy Drew on

A little tasteful sleuthing will also help you clear any doubts or insecurities you may have. No one is suggesting you get a creepy trench coat and follow your partner around everywhere. However, a little shallow digging into their social media profiles will give you a better idea of whether or not you need to be worried.

Don’t ignore the few things you like about them

Remember that it is not all negative. To deal with relationship anxiety requires you to learn how to focus on what you love about the person and relationship. It will go a long way to calm you down.

Learn how to trust

Sometimes all you can do is choose to give your partner the benefit of the doubt. Trust that he means it when he says you are beautiful. Trust that she is honest about her faithfulness to you. It is up to you to decide whether or not you are ready for that.

If you can’t get over it, then move on

You cannot have relationship anxiety if you are not in a relationship. Simple math. If after evaluating your relationship and all associated factors you do not think it is worth fighting for, then leave. Nothing is worth your happiness and peace of mind.

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Your profile will either make or break you

There is a good reason why your profile is the first thing you have to work on whenever you open an online dating account:

It is what you will be judged by initially by anyone you are interested in or anyone interested in you. With so much riding on it, you simply cannot afford to give this part anything short of your very best.

There is so much information out there on what you should do to have the perfect profile. You are probably already an expert in choosing the most flawless photos and writing the most outstanding bio. However, not many of us know what not to do. These are the things that turn all your efforts into nothing and below are eight that you should avoid at all costs.

Bragging in any way, shape or form

“I have one thing to say; you’re welcome.”

“Yep, it did hurt when I fell from heaven.”

“Well aren’t you in for a treat?”

No one anywhere on this planet likes cocky or braggy people. It is a serious turn off that will lose you suitors faster than you can swipe left. Now don’t get me wrong; a little showing off is not all that bad as it shows that you are not only confident but successful. However, there is a fine line between being proud of your success and being a little too big for your britches. Don’t cross it.

Self-pity and Debby-downer content

“Just lost my job and I hope this is what cheers me up.”

“I don’t want to get hurt again.”

It truly is sad that you have been heartbroken before, or you got catfished and it stung or even that you lost a job. But your online profile is not the place to air this particular type of laundry. It generally bums people out and evokes pity more than interest. Remember you’re your online dating profile is not an invite to your pity party. So leave that to subsequent conversations that a killer profile will land you.

This-is-beneath-me quotes in your bio

“I cannot believe I have stooped this low to find love.”

“Impress me if you think you can.”

“Wow, what the heck am I even doing here.”

That is probably the most off-putting content you could have on your bio. If for any reason you think that online dating is beneath you then you really shouldn’t be on it. Or at the very least do not shout it from the rooftops which in this case are the profiles. It comes across as a bit aloof and makes it seem like you are doing everyone a favor being online. It is ok and expected to be skeptical, but do not take it this far.

Unflattering photos

This huge no-no doesn’t just refer to photos taken at awkward angles or in really poor lighting although these too will affect your profile. Other images you should avoid in your profile include group photos where it is practically impossible to pick out which of the seven bros or four banging ladies is you. Photos of you in various states of undress are also not the best idea especially if you are passing a more serious message.

Signs of skepticism or bitterness

“Men are trash, but I will give y’all one last chance.”

“I don’t think this will work but oh well. What the heck!”

As already stated, it is ok to be a little skeptical of the process especially if you are a newbie. However, there is no need to openly and harshly slam the process without giving it a chance. You might think you are just honest, but this will cost you especially with serious suitors.

Too much information about yourself

I would give a few examples, but that would be too much information… See what I just did there?

Anyways, a good profile should give viewers an idea of who you are without preempting everything. Leave them intrigued and curious to find out more from you. So detailed descriptions of previous relationships, embarrassing confessions, and other similar info should get shared in more private interactions.

Controversial opinions

“Pineapples belong on pizza. Try me.”

Ok, maybe the example I provided is not the best representation of extreme controversy, but if it triggers you, then you get the idea. The last thing you want is to start an online war or become the victim of trolling and bullying because of opinions you are entitled to.

Hollywood dreams and fairytale wishes

“Just another Tinderella looking for her prince charming.”

“Just looking for my Soulmate and the one person out there who will complete me.”

No honey. That’s not how it works in real life. There are, of course, numerous happily ever after stories from these platforms. However, leading with such idealism will put a lot of people off which is the last thing you want.

Conclusion

Now that you know what not to do you are ready to put together one heck of a profile. If they gave out awards for the best profile, you better believe your account would be a contender. Ok, maybe that’s a bit of a hard sell- but you get the point; these tips will help. So go forth and pick the photos and bio that will find you that special missing piece.

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The slow fade

Do you know that fairytale about a love that lasts forever? The one where you have butterflies for your partner until you are old and grey? Unfortunately, that is not how real life works. The truth is that the butterflies and warm fuzzy feelings may come to an end. But do not panic as this is normal and if your relationship is built on a strong foundation you have nothing to worry about.

However, there are some cases where the inevitable distance is too much for your relationship to handle. The tricky part is figuring out whether it is a phase you can get through or the final moments of your union. Here are a few questions you need to ask yourself to help find the answer.

How to find out whether it is a phase or your last hurrah

Does any of you feel the need for more and more space?

Personal space in a relationship may be underrated, but it is very important. It could be physical space or emotional distance. If you or your partner asks for this, then there should be no cause for alarm.

The trouble comes in when either of you keeps asking for more space and time to be alone. That could either be a conscious or subconscious attempt to distance yourself from the relationship. That way when the inevitable end arrives, it is easier to detach.

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: The Tell-Tale Questions That Will Establish If Your Relationship Is Going Strong

Are you using sex as a smokescreen?

Does sex seem to solve every problem you have in your relationship? Do you consider it the only thing that is keeping you in the relationship? If the answer is yes, then the chances are that you are headed for the end. Many couples hide behind healthy intimacy forgetting to deal with all the issues that drive them apart.

Are there pet peeves that either of you can’t deal with?

No one is perfect so there will always be a few things about your partner that will annoy you. Maybe it is how she leaves her shoes all over the house. Or it could be the old toilet seat up or down debate. You should probably start getting worried if these pet peeves you or your partner have started to seem unbearable. That is often a sign of detachment. You no longer want to excuse the behavior subconsciously, and you are pretty much packed and ready to hit the road. So if your answer here is a yes then this is not a phase.

Do you miss each other when you are away?

If your answer to this question is yes, then there may be hope for your relationship yet. It shows that there is still some emotional investment in the arrangement. You are probably still willing to work on it, and so the distance is a phase that you can very easily overcome.

On the other hand, if you feel happier being away and you dread seeing them again, then it will probably not be ending with happily ever after for you.

Do you understand the problem at hand?

The distance you are experiencing in the relationship did not manifest from thin air. It is usually a result of unresolved issues. If you understand the problem and you are willing to work on it, then your relationship is more likely to weather the storm. However, if you are still in denial of there being an issue or you do not understand it, then your relationship is probably on its way to being over.

Are you playing the blame game?

The distance in a relationship crosses the line and becomes toxic when a couple starts to play the blame game. Maybe you do not acknowledge your part in the issues, and neither does your partner. If this is the case, then it is unlikely that what you are going through is a phase. However, if both of you are willing to accept liability and work on making things better then it might just end up being a phase you will get through.

Are you willing to compromise?

Sometimes the difference between a phase and irreversible distance in a relationship is the willingness to compromise. Coming to a compromise might be hard, but if you truly want the relationship to survive, then it is something that you will have to do. The important thing is to ensure that both of you understand what the problem is in the first place.

Do you see a future with your partner?

The question is pretty self-explanatory. If you see life with your partner after this unpleasantness, you might just be dealing with a temporary issue. It does not mean that your relationship is guaranteed to last forever, but it is a sure sign of great things ahead. If you do not see a future together, then it is time to call it quits. There is truly no use investing any more time or energy as you have most likely already emotionally detached from your partner or vice versa.

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At any one point in our relationships, we have dealt with the question, “Is my relationship okay?” We have doubted that our partners care for us, and have wondered whether we have hit the high season a great romantic voyage. That is fairly common, and not a cause for alarm.

The knowledge that your relationship is on shaky ground is good; it shows that you care and are observant. The true question, then, is how to get it back up. How do you approach your partner and what do you need to ask them to get the restoration going?

Below is a list of questions that are light, yet leading – and if asked in the right setting and in the right way, will help you begin the process of rising again.

How are you?

Common as it may seem, people no longer ask their partners how they are. This simple question can help your partner talk about the frustrations they feel, their recent joys and even whether they feel overwhelmed. Ask this question in a leading yet non-confrontational way and sit back and truly listen to what they have to say. After all, healthy communication is the number one

Is there anything you need?

Acts of service and kindness especially in a marriage are crucial. Simple things like do you need me to lower the volume? Am I disturbing you in the morning or do you need me to get you water? Are questions that show you care and more than that, you are willing to go the extra mile and do something about it?

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: Are You Showing Enough Affection To Your Partner? Here’s How To Do It Right

Do you feel that something is wrong?

It is easy to assume we are the only ones bothered by the state of the relationship. Asking this question may make you realize that you have both noticed the distance and both of you are looking for solutions.

If your partner does not feel like there is a problem, casually and kindly explain to them why you feel there is a problem. Allow the discussion to go deeper.

Do I seem different to you?

Maybe our partners change when they feel like we are changing as well. Ask your loved one this question in a way that makes it seem like you want to know the answer and not to defend yourself.

If they feel you are different, ask them why and kindly explain yourself.

Is there anything you would like to talk about?

We would be shockedto realize that most people and especially men have a lot to say given the opportunity. In a relaxed setup, ask your lover if they feel they need to talk about something. It does not matter if they want to talk about the weather or football. The atmosphere of openness will allow them to go deeper if they so wish and enable you to steer the conversation in the direction you want.

What can we do differently?

Sometimes it is good to acknowledge that times have changed. How you communicated in the past or lived may be subject to change, which is perfectly fine. Ask your partner if they feel the need to do things differently. If they do, seek new ways that will be amicable for both of you and adopt them.

Do you want us to try something new?

Routines cause monotony. Sometimes all a relationship needs is a little spark. Ask them whether they would like to try something new – chances are, they do. Look for an adventure that will allow both of you to participate while stepping out of your comfort zone. Ultimately even a simple drive to a wine plant may be all you need to rekindle your relationship and create more intimacy.

How is life?

When couples who live alone finally create a family or adopt pets, one party will always feel left out and ignored. If your partner complains of being left out, ask them how they are. Chances are, they miss the old life. Ask about their annoying boss, their friends, their ride home – simple questions that make them feel heard and loved.

What is the hottest couple you know at the moment?

Their definition of what the hottest couple they think will give your insight on how to please them and impress them at the same time. Role-playing may not be such a bad idea after all.

Would you like to have sex? Are you in the mood?

Sexual chemistry is essential in a relationship. Sometimes all you need is the old college try to realize that maybe sexual frustration was all there was.

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The oldest myth in the book

Since the dawn of ages has a compromise worked as the cure to all relationship problems. We get bombarded with this message from all sides whether it is on magazine articles on love or advice from older couples.

Don’t get me wrong, it is important and necessary every once in a while, to step down and find common ground during disputes. However, this otherwise healthy coping mechanism has been tarnished and is now the root of many relationship problems.

Compromising might be hurting your relationship

A compromise is agreeing to let go of your will and desires for your relationship’s sake. You might choose to let your partner have their way completely or settle on some middle ground. Either way, you do not get what your heart truly wanted. Here are five reasons why this could pose problems for your relationship.

• It’s often a lose-lose game

Losing mainly happens when you both choose to settle. You do not get what you want, and neither does your partner. From a far this might seem like a fair outcome, but the truth is that you both lost.

• It forces you to lower your standards

We all have our core principles and standards, and there is nothing wrong with that. Compromise often threatens these principles and will force you to lower your standards for the sake of the relationship. You are lying to yourself and will possibly not be able to deal with the new arrangements for very long.

• It allows an errant partner to get away with it

When it comes to disputes and arguments in a relationship, everyone is entitled to an opinion. However, more often than not there is one person who is more right. Compromising allows the other partner to get away with things that they should face. Issues they need to confront could be anything from infidelity to the division of house chores.

• It threatens reasonable needs

There is nothing wrong with wanting more from your partner whether it is time, attention or displays of affection. Compromising may be what keeps you from these well-deserved benefits of relationships.

• It fosters resentment

One thing that makes compromise one of the worst coping mechanisms is that it is only a temporary fix. You will usually choose to ignore your desires for peace’s sake. However, with time, this calm will be disturbed, and you will end up right where you started.

What to do instead

A lot can go wrong if you choose absolute compromise as your method of dealing with issues in your relationship. Thereare, however, a few other alternatives and alterations to this option that you should consider.

• Make an effort to understand

As already stated, there is usually someone right in the argument before jumping into conclusions and agreeing to disagree, take your time to understand your partner’s point of view. You might be surprised to learn that you are on the wrong and should probably not hold so tight to your beliefs.

• Take your time before making any decision

Many people rush into compromise as it is easier than losing or completely having to give up your beliefs. Do not pressure yourself into this wrong route. Instead, take your time to consider not only the facts but also your partner’s decision. That way, you will both end up on the same page.

• Full expression

Many couples compromise because having to express themselves seems too tiresome. Go out of your way to make your partner understand where you are coming from with the issue.

• Stand your ground

Finally, one great and often overlooked alternative to compromising is standing your ground. Showing that you have a backbone is important mainly with thing slike your core values and non-negotiable principles. Compromising in these cases makes you lose yourself and will lead to resentment down the road. To avoid this, stick to your guns at whatever cost; even if it means losing the relationship.

Conclusion

With all this information in mind, there is no denying the fact that compromising in a relationship bears a fair number of risks.

Instead, take the time to understand your partner and express yourself. More often than not only one person is right, and all it takes is efficient communication for this to come out.

You also need to be ready to stand your ground on disputes that threaten your core principles. Whatever the case, you need to avoid taking the easy way out through compromise.

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First date magic

Going on your very first day can be a very daunting experience. On the one hand, you are excited to finally go out with this person that you have been getting to know. On the other hand, you know there is a possibility that it might not work out leaving you exactly where you started.

The last outcome is of course not desirable, but it is sometimes inevitable. It is also better to know on the first date that you are not compatible than to waste each other’s time and emotional energy only to find out later. Determining whether or not you are a good match is all about the questions you ask. Here are 7 of them that should get you started.

Seven questions you need to ask

How long have you been single and why?

First thing’s first, you need to establish whether or not your date is truly on the market. Unless of course, you are ok in which you can go ahead and skip this question.

However, if you want your man or woman all to yourself, this is a question you definitely cannot afford to leave out. It lets you get an idea of whether or not the person has healed from previous relationships and whether they are ready for a new one.

What are you looking for in a partner?

Knowing what you are after allows you to establish whether you are both a match by identifying traits in yourself that he or she may be looking for. If everything they describe is everything that you are not, you might want to start looking elsewhere.

It is also important to let them finish without interrupting in an attempt to offer yourself up as an option. The last thing you want is for them to describe you as their perfect partner simply because they knew that is what you wanted to hear.

What are your some of your flaws?

Awareness of your flaws is a very important question to give you an idea of what you are getting into. Probe for the juicy stuff and do not settle for fake modesty answers like ‘I am too generous’ or ‘I work too hard.’ The question should be open to both flaws in relationships and those in general life.

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What are your pet peeves?

Knowing about your pet peeves helps you figure out whether there is anything you do that may put your date off. It could be that your date cannot stand the feeling of styling gel on hair or they hate tardiness. You need these answers so you can prepare yourself in advance and adjust your annoying behavior if there is a need for that.

Do you think you are ready for a commitment?

Trust me, you do not want to waste your time with a commitment-phobic person unless you are one yourself. And if that is the case you do not want to be stuck with someone who is constantly pressuring you to get into a relationship with them. This question is the only one on this list that requires that you are both on the same page.

Where do you see yourself in X number of years?

It could be a year, three, five or even ten. The answer here allows you to identify ambition and focus on your date. There is no correct answer here, but it is always a more positive sign if the person has an idea of what they would like to do with their lives. This particular question matters a lot for goal-oriented people. 

How do you spend your weekends?

Again, you do not have to have the same interests. However, if some of their pastime activities check your pet peeves list, you shouldn’t consider a second date.

Compatibility is no similarity

Before you go on that date, one more thing you need to understand is that compatibility does not mean having everything in common. So if he likes to go out on the weekends and you are a couch potato, it does not mean you cannot make it work. The important thing is to understand all the good and bad that will come from a potential relationship with the person and deciding whether you can live with them.

Bottom line

So the next time you go on a first date make sure to arm yourself with these very important questions. It may seem intense at first, but it will save you a lot of trouble down the line.

The post Are You Compatible? 7 Questions To Ask On Your First Date appeared first on Loving Community.

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These days, it seems that everywhere you turn there is some new challenge for you and your partner to face. Whether it is all the phony dating trends that came with 2018 or changes in attitude threating your idea of happily ever after, there is no doubt that you need to work harder to stay afloat as a couple.

What is probably one of the most frustrating set of obstacles involves social media. Whether you are hooked, or you haven’t had an account since the days of MySpace, the effect on these platforms on relationships is hard to ignore.

Below are four of what are considered the worst social media crimes in relationships. It is important to note that the reactions vary from person to person. What you might consider a pet peeve is to someone else the most sincere way to show that you are in love. We will also cover a few foolproof tips that will help you navigate through these tricky waters. That way, you don’t have to worry about something as petty as a Facebook post or lack thereof costing you your relationship.

4 Social media habits that could cost you your relationship

Oversharing

Oversharing is a rare problem in this day and age where it seems almost everyone is pro-social media. However, for the few who do not appreciate oversharing, this can be a major pet peeve.

It starts innocently enough with you sharing a cute photo, text screen grab or a sentimental shout out. In your mind, it is probably the modern-day equivalent or sending chocolates and flowers or some other grand romantic gesture.

It soon becomes pretty evident that your loving gesture backfires when it becomes a major fight. Fighting over this happens mainly with people who value their privacy almost to a fault. There is nothing wrong with this stance, but it is something that you should look out for as a potential pitfall.

Under-sharing

Now, this is the one that is very common. In this case, you or your partner feels that the best way to show that you are thriving as a couple is by sharing evidence on it online. It could be anything from photos of you together on holiday to text posts describing your love to each other. If either of you considers this the ultimate display of love, then you might get irked when your significant other fails to live up to your expectations.

More often than not, you or your partner will feel under-valued. It is almost like they are not proud enough to show you off. Again there is nothing wrong with feeling this way so you shouldn’t feel ashamed or make your partner feel bad about being disappointed.

Airing out your dirty laundry

No one on planet earth enjoys having all their dirty secrets out in public. It is, therefore, one of the few social media pitfalls that is more or less universally unacceptable.

Maybe you fought, and your reaction is to post a long rant on Facebook complaining about how annoying your partner is. Or it could get to a dark point where you go as far as exposing private correspondence online as a way to get back at your partner. Whatever the case, it is not cool and is enough grounds to end the relationship.

Lack of public acknowledgment

It might sound petty to a lot of people, but it has ended more relationships that anyone would expect. Something as simple as changing your status from single to dating on Facebook can wipe away any insecurities in your significant other’s mind.

Many people make the mistake of assuming that posting their picture is enough. The argument here is this; how will anyone know that is your girlfriend/boyfriend and not a platonic friend? See how tricky it is?

What now?

These four issues highlighted above are almost laughable regarding how trivial they are. However numerous surveys have shown that very many people today value their online appearances more than ever before. We are pretty much living in a world where if it isn’t online then it doesn’t matter. So how exactly can your relationship survive with so many odds stacked against it? Here are three foolproof tips that will help.

• Talk it out
• Find a compromise
• Focus on your relationship

Bottom line

In conclusion, there is truly no problem too small to cause issues in your relationship. So do not underestimate the power of sending that tweet or failing to change your relationship status on Facebook. Instead, have an actual conversation about your expectations and hard limits. That way you do not unwittingly step on your partner’s toes as you go about your business of sharing your business.

The post Would You Break Up With Your Partner Over These Social Media Habits? appeared first on Loving Community.

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What a year it has been

The world of romance and courtship is one that is very dynamic. However, there seems to have been more drastic deviations in the past couple of years than in recent memory. A lot has changed from how we meet to the rules that govern our interactions.

There are also some trends that have emerged that are worth mentioning. If you have actively been dating, then the chances are that you have experienced or witnessed some of these fads. You are probably even guilty of a few of them. However, if you haven’t been in the scene here are a few you need to be aware and prepared for before you get back into the game in 2018/2019.

Trends you need to be aware of

Commitment-phobia

This type of phobia is without a doubt the most common trends of them all. It is sometimes also referred to as benching. Here, you find an awesome guy or girl who talks to you every single day. You get along super well, have a lot in common, and it truly seems like a match made in heaven. However, when you get to a place where you want to move things to the next level they hit you with those five painful words.

“I’m not ready to commit.”

The fake beau trend

These days, if it didn’t happen on social media, then it doesn’t count. The obsession with displaying private matters to the public is what has led to this second interesting trend. The faux-beau trend involves pretending that you are in an enviable serious relationship while in real life you are as painfully single as it gets.

Subtle bragging

Bragging, also sometimes referred to as flexting in modern lingo and you will either love it or hate it. It is where people get a free pass to brag and show off their achievements without judgment. You could send your love interest a photo of yourself on the beach on holiday to show you are not too badly off financially. It could also be a photo of those killer cheese-grater abs on your profile. It is still bragging, but the indirect nature of it makes it more tasteful than outright proclaiming your awesomeness.

No more playing hard to get

Playing hard to get the single most positive trend when it comes to 2018/2019 dating. No one has time to keep chasing you with so many options out there. There is no room for childish games. However, this doesn’t mean that people are easy and loose. It just means that they are more forward when it comes to disclosing their interest or lack thereof.

Kittenfishing

A new trend is replacing Catfishing, and it is in a lot of ways similar to the old nightmare of a trend. With kittenfishing, you have individuals setting up genuine accounts but telling one too many white lies about themselves. It could be about the amount of money they make, their interests and even their relationship status. It may not be as bad as Catfishing, but it is still super misleading and therefore annoying.

Ghosting and haunting

Dating these days has a supernatural twist to it with trends like ghosting and haunting. Ghosting is where someone you have been having constant communication with all of a sudden drops of the radar with no warning. Haunting, on the other hand, is the reverse of this where someone you have turned down fails to take the hint and keeps trying to reach out. Both are annoying and make finding love in 2018 a challenge.

The swiping is cheating movement

There is still a running debate with people on either side being very passionate about their points of view. However, there is an overwhelming majority of the opinion that maintaining an online dating presence is not ok while in a relationship. It is a trend that needs to be adopted if relationships are to survive in this day and age.

In a nutshell

If there were one perfect word to describe these trends, it would be ‘interesting.’ A few of them represent positive change and progress towards a more fun and open-minded dating environment. Unfortunately, most are annoying and disappointing which is why you need to go in ready. The important thing is to remember that whether you are being ghosted or kept in the friend zone, then you are not alone. It doesn’t mean it is ok, but it makes it easier to swallow.

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